More than Being Nice
Sermon Preached on 12.1.1019 at Frazer Mennonite Church
Based on Psalm 122
Thanksgiving is my absolute favorite holiday. Christmas is fine, but it comes with a lot of expectations. But Thanksgiving is much more relaxed on my family. We all make things we like, and we all eat the delicious, fatty, carb heavy, sleep inducing foods that I otherwise stay away from the other 364 days of the year.
And after pie, our family pulls out the instruments and we sing and play music, often badly, but usually with with good humor.
But that’s not to say that Thanksgiving isn’t stressful. This year, I labored on pies with my niece for hours. We were really proud of them. They looked and smelled delicious and I could not wait to sink my teeth into that peach pie. A few minutes before the meal, one of the pies fell off the counter and smashed in its glass pie plate. My niece was totally fine about it, but I had a little bit of a meltdown. Words were yelled at that pie. Unkind words.
We also had–at one point–too many cooks in the kitchen, and I may have directed some forceful energy into getting people out of there so we could open the oven safely. And, for some of the younger folks in the crowd, overstimulation of the holiday resulted in some bad behavior here or there.
But we were together with our family and that was all I wanted.
I am aware that if I was with other parts of my family, the holiday would have been hard. I have family members who like to get their digs in about politics at holiday gatherings, because they know what I believe. I have family members who will say cruel things to my kids but when called out on it will say, “I was just kidding! Lighten up!” Or–and this is my pet peeve–will come into my home, and not offer to help with the dishes, or say “thanks” for the meal and the effort put into it. But, they will offer lots of “helpful suggestions” for how I might improve my turkey, or ask “Why did you set the table like that?”
Holidays are wonderful and difficult and complicated.
So, for those of you that had a difficult, tense Thanksgiving where words were exchanged that you can’t take back, know that you are definitely not the only one in the room with that experience. Sometimes time with family is just difficult.
The Psalmist writes:
For the sake of my family and friends,
I say, “Peace be within you!”
For the sake of the Lord our God,
I will seek your good.
Psalm 122 seems to have been written by someone who’s been to some holiday events with family. The Psalmist was praising God about heading off to the center of the known universe at the time–Jerusalem. There in Jerusalem, the Psalmist rejoiced at the whole people of God, and all the tribes of Israel, converging onto the Holy City to praise God. It was a holiday, a party, where they one could see all the cousins you hadn’t seen since the last holiday. You also see the overly critical Aunt, and that close talking uncle with halitosis. But they are family, so what are you going to do.
Here in this holy city all the tribes–all of God’s people–were united. They probably didn’t all vote for the same candidates in their elections. Some were probably Bernie bros, others were die hard fans of their sitting president, and others were wishing that the last president could run again.
And there they were in their family home town of Jerusalem–the center of their known universe–together.
And here, as the extended family gathered, the author of this Psalm blessed the gathering place, saying, “May those who love their hometown prosper! May peace be in these walls! May your city walls always be secure.” Even as family with differing views and opinions gathered, the Psalmist wished for strong walls.
And then the Psalmist went from a general well wish to a personal blessing, saying:
For the sake of my family and friends,
I say, “Peace be within you!”
For the sake of the Lord our God,
I will seek your good.
I’m intrigued by these words from the Psalmist, because they aren’t the normal way of saying things, now or in biblical times.
The Psalmist wrote: For the sake of family and friends, I say, “Peace be within you.” Not just with you. WIthin you. It’s a bigger blessing than the one we usually give when we pass the peace. It’s a blessing that the Psalmists family find peace within themselves. Because it doesn’t always happen around the dinner table.
Peace be within you, family, as we gather here within the strong walls of our beloved hometown.
This is a peace that goes beyond civil conversations at the dinner table. It’s a peace beyond keeping it together while you eat with family for three hours. It’s a deep peace, a wholeness that can only come from God.
The Psalmist also writes, “For the sake of the Lord OUR God, I will seek your good.” The psalmist doesn’t say, “For the sake of MY God.” The psalmist doesn’t claim to have God all to themselves, or even say that the other person might not know God because of whatever wacky views they think their relatives might have. The Psalmist just says, “For the sake of our God”, for the sake of the God we hold in common.
And then the Psalmist goes on to say, “For the sake of our God, I will seek YOUR good.”
It wasn’t a mean gesture, it wasn’t a nasty word. It was what sounds like an honest attempt at seeking the good for all of the family gathered around the table, for all the family gathered within the hometown walls, even if there were disagreements.
Disagreements is not a modern family invention. It’s not something that began in this country. Disagreements go back as far as their earliest biblical stories. God created us, gave us agency, and we dealt with that agency by fighting with our siblings, by splitting up families with bad blood, with words we couldn’t take back.
So that conflict you have with your family member is nothing new. Every family has them, going back as far as Cain and Abel.
What can be new, however, is how we respond to those conflicts. We can choose for the sake of our common God, our common faith, our common genes, our common humanity to seek the good for each other.
But know this: Seeking the good for other people does not always mean seeking the easy thing. Sometimes seeking the good means we say the hard things, we name those old family patterns, we face the elephant at the dinner table.
And if it is our pattern to be the namer of things all the time, perhaps seeking your family member’s good means just letting something go for once.
What would it mean for us during this season to offer peace within our family members? What would it mean to work for the good of our family, even those with whom we disagree? I’d like to think that these simple reframes of our time with family might be transformative.
And these simple words from the Psalmist apply to us at church too. Can we seek our congregation’s good, even the good of those in this community with whom we disagree? Can we pray for peace within the person across the aisle, even as we struggle to shake their hand during the passing of the peace?
Today we begin advent, the season of waiting, and the season of expectation. The season holds a lot of magic for our younger people, and as we get older, it holds a lot of expectation, anxiety, and frustration.
This season as Advent, as we wait and prepare for God to do a new thing, we have the gift of family, and the gift of friendship to nourish and sustain us. These gifts are not always easy. Sometimes these relationships are fraught with conflict and disagreements. But they are still a gift to us.
Let’s set our minds and hearts towards the good for our family, our friends, our church and community members. This could be the good thing that God is doing among us–transforming our families and congregations, one gracious act at a time. AMEN.